santa’s got a brand new bag.

Okay okay okay, for years people have been trying to scare the pants off of us with demonic Santas, serial killing St Nick’s and ghoulish red hatted old men. It hasn’t ever really worked, except for maybe a huge cultish laugh factor. This year, though, the new decade is issuing a new terror that is Santa Claus. Yes, good ‘ol St. Nick is about to go on a new adventure that just might make us wet ourselves. Check out this new movie, Rare Exports: a Christmas Tale by Finland native Jalmari Helander. So, basically the story goes something like this (or from what i could gather in the trailer/synopses that I can find out there in the ether): a scientist gathers a group of men to dig deep into a mountain in Finland to find something hidden there a long time ago. What they pull out is a frozen Santa Claus. Something is thrown in about a ransom and then some major shit goes down. There’s something hidden in Santa’s eyes that makes you realize he’s got some form of evil power. Yeah, sounds pretty awful doesn’t it? Wrong, the Finnish (i guess that’s how you say it?) can do it! Or, I at least hope they can. It reminds me a lot of the Swedish Dead Snow, about a group of college kids who stumble upon some Nazi Zombies in the mountains of eastern Europe. Well, that movie kicked fucken ass, so I think this new Christmas Thriller can be even better. It doesn’t look like it takes itself too seriously, but it also doesn’t look like you’ll be constantly in tears of laughter. You will be some, no doubt about it. There are apparently psycho elves too and disappearing children. Yikes.

I’m telling you, Santa looks terrifying. I hope my expectations aren’t too high, but this Christmas romp around the deathtrap looks like it could be the best Santa Thriller yet. Definitely will be a cult classic, that is absolutely certain. You can tell just by watching the short trailer that horror freaks like myself will be all over this little puppy. And, haha, it’s foreign. They know how to do their shit, right?

Anyway, check out this ridiculous film and enjoy the trailer below.

 

new 127 hours trailer.

this new trailer for the new danny boyle film, see “danny boyle sure knows pain”, has been around for a little while now. however, i just got my first glimpse and WOW. Whoever edited this thing sure knows how to get your hair raising. I’m extremely ecstatic for this one to come out in two days. It’ll be the first thing I see this friday and one that I am sure to not miss. Franco is being hailed out the wazoo for his performance and i can’t imagine we’ll be let down. I just had to let this one get out there immediately. I’ll let you know what i think on friday, no matter how sure I am that it will be one for the books.

 

the trailer can be found on apple.com/trailers. it’s the second, longer one. good choice of music too, very powerful.

The most terrifying movie trailer.

So, I was browsing imdb like I do on a regular basis and I came across something very exciting. A couple of weeks ago I heard about Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, Guillermo Del Toro’s (writing and producing, not directing) new project. I heard the rumor that it was getting an R-rating for “pervasive scariness”. Everyone was saying the film would not be extremely violent or have any profanity, but that it would be rated “R” just because it was supposed to be that absolutely frightening. Now, the new trailer (what I found on imdb) says the film is rated “R” due to “Violence and Terror”, however it could just easily be classified as pervasively scary. So, I watched the trailer. It was fucking scary. That is all I have to say, check it out down below.

(turn the volume way up and sit in the dark for this one)

Trailer

Still Here and Never Sane (the Joaquin Phoenix story)

Get this, actor Casey Affleck has decided to direct and release a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix (that guy who played Johnny cash and then lost his fucking mind). It focuses on Phoenix’s decision to retire from the acting world in 2008. However, we all know he retired to do what he really wanted to do with himself. He decided to become a rapper, because somehow after gaining thirty pounds and growing a massive beard, he thought people would be into that, you know? Of course, I don’t think he ever released a full album and i only really know of One Show.

So, this movie is here to detail us on just what its like when somebody goes off the deep end. From what I’ve heard it seems as if it will just do that. New York Magazine had word from sources that, “Phoenix snorts cocaine, orders call girls, has oral sex with a publicist (it’s unclear who was the giver and who the taker), and treats his assistants abusively.” They go on to mention a particular incident in which apparently he gets defecated on by one of his friends. Now, this movie could be something of a shocker piece, but it could also just be another Borat. In which case, they seem to have taken it much farther and do we really need that? But then again, nothing could be more entertaining than an in-depth look of a washed-up actor in his real-life situations … right?

Websites, please?

Some cool movie websites that are new to me:

Seattle International Film Festival – they do some really awesome stuff, if you live in Seattle.

American Film Institute – The lists are amazing to check out, but definitely look the whole site over, especially the catalogue.

TCM Film Festival – okay, so this may be the coolest film festival I’ve ever seen. Oh, how I wish I could go! I would give my left leg just to be a part of this amazing thing. So, just check it out and see what you think. AHH!

The Digital Bits – this site is reeeeealy awesome. It will help you decide if you were thinking about buying that new release of Saving Private Ryan on Blu-ray – which now I don’t want to. The Rumor mill is also cool as shit, and you can check out what might just be available soon!